12 Questions to Ask a Potential Spiritual Director
12 Questions to Ask a Potential Spiritual Director
When you start spiritual direction, you’re entering into a sacred, vulnerable, intimate relationship designed to lead you closer to God.
You need someone who will journey with you in your faith struggles, calling, discernment, spiritual disciplines, and reflection about God at work in your day-to-day life. Your personality, theology, and communication styles must all be compatible.
So, what should you ask when you first meet? How do you even start the conversation? In this second of our four-part “Knowing if You Need Spiritual Direction” series, we offer 12 practical and spiritual questions to ask a potential spiritual director before embarking on a long-term relationship. By asking these questions, you’ll be able to identify someone who shares your theological beliefs, respects your story, and is equipped to walk alongside you in faith.
Whether you are looking to begin spiritual direction with your church, a retreat center, or a network like the Exponent Marketplace, these questions can help you discern a relationship that will help you along your spiritual formation journey.
Begin with gathering general knowledge of their training and experience. Do they have formal spiritual direction training? How long have they been in practice? Do they belong to any spiritual direction organizations or groups of practice?
This question will help you determine if they take their position seriously and whether or not they have a sense of the etiquette and the discipline required of the ministry.
Because spiritual direction includes prayer, discernment, and nurturing of personal faith, theological congruence is essential. You don’t need to share every detail of doctrine, but you need to know that your beliefs and traditions are understood and respected.
Ask how their theology impacts the way they approach individuals from different backgrounds. For example, suppose you are a member of an evangelical or mainline Protestant church. In that case, you might want to know whether the director holds similar values around the Bible or the Holy Spirit.
This query exposes their direction philosophy. Are they the companion, the guide, the listener, the mirror? Are they directive, asking reflective questions, or relatively passive, allowing you to direct the conversation yourself?
There’s not one correct answer — but their answer, combined with what you know about their track record, can help gauge whether their style meets your needs.
Request a tangible image of what happens in a session. Will it start with a period of silence or prayer? Do they rely on Scripture, art, breathwork, or Ignatian practices? What is the usual session duration? What do they expect of you as the directee? Knowing the structure, you can ease any pre-race jitters and mentally and spiritually prepare for your first session.
Most Protestants' religious practices focus on Scripture and prayer. Some spiritual directors may pray with you, while others might offer prayer practices or Scripture meditations to take home.
You’ll want to know if Scripture is incorporated naturally into the discussion or feels tacked on, and, for that matter, how prayer works in their time together.
Suppose you are from a particular stream (Baptist, Pentecostal, Reformed, Anglican) or have specific life experiences (vocational ministry, mission, deconstruction). In that case, you might ask your director if they have worked with others who have traveled a similar path.
Similar experience isn’t a requirement, but understanding the context you’re entering will help you foster trust more quickly.
This is one of the best questions to ask your director. We’ve all had times of spiritual dryness, doubt, or silence. The director's maneuver of these moments betrays their theology of suffering, mystery, and grace.
Seek someone who won’t be in a hurry to fix you or explain things away but who can gently wait with you and listen.
You should expect the same professionalism and confidentiality from a director as you would in counseling or therapy. Ask about:
This exchange provides both clarity and safety around your relationship moving forward.
A good spiritual director is always growing. It’s best if they are either being supervised or in direction themselves. This demonstrates humility and integrity in their work.
It’s also evidence that they know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of direction.
Some people enter spiritual direction, imagining it’s therapy or pastoral counseling. An experienced director might offer some guidance, because spiritually direction requires acknowledging what is happening in your life. Unlike traditional therapy or counseling, however, a spiritual director is focused more on helping you discern where God is in that process.
Inquire how they address problems like grief, anxiety, spiritual trauma, or vocational discernment. (If they think something is outside their purview, do they refer out?)
Directors may be available monthly or biweekly. Some meet in person, others virtually via video or phone, and some can even collaborate with you in a retreat format.
Find out how flexible they are about rescheduling, whether they permit the occasional check-in between sessions, and how far in advance they book.
These logistical issues can make or break an otherwise whole relationship.
Most directors offer a free or discounted initial conversation to determine your fit. Use some of the questions above face-to-face, understand how they communicate, and see if it feels natural.
Remember: You don’t have to click with the first person you shake hands with. If something is not right, seek another director who you can connect with and trust.
After the initial meeting, reflect prayerfully on how it went. Ask:
How they made you feel in the session is as crucial as their qualifications.
Spiritual direction is a sacred dialogue among you, your director, and the Holy Spirit. The right person might take a little time to find, so don’t be deterred. The right fit is everything.
In the third part of this series, we’ll examine how spiritual direction differs from discipleship, coaching, and counseling, and how you can determine what kind of support you need at this time in your life.
If you’re ready to take the first step with spiritual direction, visit the Exponent Marketplace to find trained spiritual directors.
Understanding Spiritual Direction and How to Get Started
Understanding Spiritual Direction and How to Get Started
It's a shared sentiment among many Christians today that they feel spiritually adrift.
Despite participating in Bible studies, church activities, and ministry, they often sense a void in their relationship with God. A recent survey revealed that over 40% of practicing Christians feel they lack spiritual guidance and support. This shared struggle leads to spiritual inertia, separation,and emotional exhaustion. If you're feeling this way, know that you're not alone. Many others are on this journey with you.
In the first of our three-part series, we’ll explore spiritual direction, its significance in a Protestant context, and how to find the right guide.
Spiritual direction is a personal relationship in which one person helps guide another toward a better relationship with God. Unlike pastoral counseling or Bible teaching, which generally focus on a specific life problem or understanding of the scriptures, spiritual direction focuses on helping you become aware of God and God’s promptings in your life.
A spiritual director is not a therapist or a problem solver. Instead, they are a trained listener who provides a safe space for you to unpack your experiences with God, your challenges, your celebrations, and your questions. They guide you in prayerful conversation, helping you to discern where God may be leading and what you should do next. Their role is not to provide answers, but to help you ask the right questions that reveal where in your life and faith God is inviting you to grow, surrender, heal, and move. Spiritual direction thus becomes a sacred space of hearing and listening. They are there to help you listen for God's voice, not to replace it with their own. They won't make decisions for you, but they will guide you in your discernment process. Spiritual direction empowers you to make choices that align with your faith and values.
A spiritual director won’t try to give you the answer, but instead will listen and ask questions that reveal where in your life and faith God is inviting you to grow, surrender, heal, and move. Spiritual direction thus becomes a holy place of hearing and listening.
Although spiritual direction is very well-rooted in Catholic and Orthodox traditions, many are Protestants are increasingly adopting the practice. Today, many leaders and theologians from Protestant denominations see its value for long-term discipleship and spiritual vibrancy.
Group experiences and sermons are necessary, but people of faith also need someone who will sit alongside them individually, to listen, pray, and walk with them through spiritual deserts, times of change, and seasons of growth.
There are several benefits to spiritual direction:
These are all parallel to what many other discipleship programs aim for. However, spiritual direction has a personalized, relational component that is easy to overlook in group settings.
Some Protestants are hesitant to seek spiritual direction for various reasons:
1. The fear of being misled by a bad spiritual director
Will a spiritual director tell you what to do? No, that's not their role. A spiritual director is there to help you listen for God’s voice, not to replace it with their own. They won't make decisions for you, but they will guide you in your discernment process. Spiritual direction empowers you to make choices that align with your faith and values, putting you in the driver's seat of your spiritual journey. It's about you and your relationship with God; a spiritual director is there to support and guide you, not dictate your path.
2. A false sense of autonomy and independence
Is spiritual direction too mystical? Although it focuses on listening and meditation, it is deeply grounded in Scripture and prayer. Good spiritual direction doesn’t drive you away from Christ but toward Him. It's a practical and personal approach to deepening your relationship with God, not a mysterious or esoteric practice. You can rest assured that spiritual direction is a grounded and accessible resource for your spiritual journey.
3.The belief that this is just a “catholic practice.”
Spiritual direction is not reserved for clergy or only the most devout saints. It is for anyone who desires a closer relationship with God. It is a resource available to all Christians , regardless of their faith level or role in the church. It is a welcoming space for all who seek to live faithfully, ensuring that no one is excluded from the opportunity to deepen their spiritual journey.
Understanding these differences will help alleviate fears and help you be comfortable taking the first step toward engaging in spiritual direction.
You don’t have to be in crisis to pursue spiritual direction. In reality, many people start when life is more or less okay, but they have a desire to know God more deeply. If you’re on the fence, here are some signs you might be able to benefit from spiritual direction:
If any of this rings true, spiritual direction might be the right next step for you.
Once you've realized the importance of spiritual direction, you’re ready to begin the journey towards finding a spiritual director.
Clarify your goals.
Ask yourself:
Communicating your hopes to a potential director, will help you focus and center your time together.
Reflect on your preferences.
Think about whether you have preferences for:
Knowing your preferences and communicating them to a potential director can help you narrow and focus your search as you begin a direction relationship.
Pray for discernment.
Pray for God to direct you to someone who is a trustworthy, wise, and Spirit-led advisor. Spiritual direction is a ministry of deep, abiding relationship, so chemistry and fit matter. A director who is perfect for someone else might not be ideal for you, and that’s all right. Just be honest with yourself and trust the nudge of the Holy Spirit.
Here are a few places to start looking for a spiritual director:
Some trained directors can be found at seminaries, prayer and spiritual formation institutes, and even among Christian coaching networks. If you are part of a discipleship-based community, see if they offer individual spiritual direction in addition to group offerings.
Be prepared to contact more than one person. Some directors provide an initial exploratory consultation at no charge, which allows you to learn more about their style and determine whether you’re comfortable with them.
Your first session with a prospective spiritual director is generally light and focused on gathering information about each other. It’s an opportunity to ask about their background, philosophy, and values. You’ll also be able to express your hopes and expectations for your time together.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if it feels awkward initially—this relationship develops over time. A good director will make you feel comfortable, but they also understand if you need space or time to commit to regular meetings.
Here are some questions you may want to ask:
We’ll discuss these questions more in-depth in the second part of this series.
If you’re ready to take the next step and start looking for a director, you can browse the Exponent Group Marketplace to find a trusted spiritual director.
The Importance of Formation in a Distracted World
The Importance of Formation in a Distracted World
Distractions are everywhere. Smartphones buzz with notifications, screens demand our attention, and endless to-do lists pull us in every direction. Amid this chaos, the call to live as disciples of Jesus can feel drowned out. Yet, Scripture offers a timeless solution: spiritual formation. This ancient practice of intentionally shaping our hearts, minds, and lives around Christ is not just relevant, it is essential for navigating a distracted world with purpose and peace.
The early Christians understood formation as a way of life. They leaned on prayer, community, and God’s Word to grow in faith, even under pressure. Today, we can draw from their example to counter the noise and cultivate a deeper connection with God. Formation is not about adding more tasks to our schedules. It is about aligning our whole being with His will, finding clarity amid the clutter.
Spiritual formation is the process of being shaped into the image of Christ. Romans 12:2 instructs, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This transformation does not happen by accident. It requires intentional practices that draw us closer to God and refine our character. For the early church, this meant prayer, fasting, and fellowship. For us, it means carving out space in a distracted world to hear His voice.
Formation is not a quick fix or a one-time event. It is a lifelong journey of growth, rooted in the belief that God is at work within us. Philippians 1:6 promises, “He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion.” In an age of instant gratification, this slow, steady process offers a countercultural path to true fulfillment.
Distraction is more than an annoyance, it is a spiritual challenge. Studies show people check their phones dozens of times a day, often without purpose. Social media feeds us comparison, news stirs anxiety, and entertainment numbs our souls.
In this environment, our attention fragments, and our faith can weaken. Formation anchors us. It turns our focus back to God, helping us resist the pull of a world that competes for our devotion.
Jesus warned in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters.” When distractions dominate, they become our masters, crowding out time for prayer, reflection, or service. Formation reclaims that space. It builds habits that prioritize God over the fleeting demands of the moment, fostering resilience and joy in a culture of restlessness.
The early Christians faced their own pressures, persecution, poverty, and uncertainty. Yet, they thrived through practices that kept them rooted in Christ. Acts 2:42 describes their devotion to teaching, fellowship, breaking bread, and prayer. These were not mere traditions, they were lifelines that formed their identity as followers of Jesus.
Prayer kept them connected to God’s presence. Fellowship reminded them they were not alone. Sharing meals grounded them in gratitude. Teaching from the apostles gave them truth to stand on. These ancient rhythms offer us a blueprint for formation today. They show that a distracted world does not have to dictate our spiritual lives; we can choose a better way.
Consider the pace of modern life. We rush from task to task, rarely pausing to reflect. Formation invites us to slow down. It calls us to sit with Scripture, not just skim it. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” In stillness, we hear His voice over the noise. This practice does not eliminate distractions, but it trains us to see them for what they are, temporary interruptions to an eternal purpose.
Fasting, another ancient discipline, sharpens this focus. By giving up food, screens, or comforts for a time, we break the grip of instant gratification. Jesus taught in Matthew 6:16-18 that fasting is a private act of dependence on God. In a world obsessed with more, fasting teaches us less can be enough when God fills the space.
The early church knew formation was not solitary. They grew together, sharing burdens and joys. Hebrews 10:24-25 urges believers to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together.” In a distracted world, isolation is a risk. Social media mimics connection but often leaves us lonely. Formation through community offers the real thing, accountability, encouragement, and shared purpose.
Gathering with others, whether in a small group or a church, keeps us grounded. It reminds us that discipleship is not just about personal growth, it is about loving others as Christ loves us. When distractions pull us inward, community pulls us outward, reflecting God’s heart for relationship.
A distracted world rewards shallow thinking, quick reactions over deep reflection. Formation shapes us differently. It builds virtues like patience, humility, and love. Colossians 3:12-13 calls us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” These traits do not come naturally in a culture of hurry, they are formed through practice and reliance on the Holy Spirit.
Take humility, for example. Philippians 2:3 says, “In humility value others above yourselves.” Formation teaches us to listen before speaking, to serve without seeking praise. Over time, these choices become who we are, not just what we do. In a world that celebrates self-promotion, this quiet strength stands out.
Formation begins with small, intentional steps. Start with prayer. Set aside five minutes each morning to talk to God and listen. Pair this with Scripture. Read a chapter or even a verse, letting it sink in. Join a group of believers who share your desire to grow. Share a meal or a conversation weekly.
Try fasting once a month, not just from food but from distractions like social media. Use that time to reflect on God’s goodness. Rest, too, is formation. Pick a day to unplug and worship, trusting God with what you leave undone. These practices do not need to overwhelm, they simply need to begin.
If you are ready to dive deeper, Exponent Group offers tools to guide your journey. Their Formation page emphasizes growing closer to Jesus through spiritual practices and community. They provide resources like guided prayer, discipleship coaching, and practical steps for transformation. Whether you are new to formation or seeking to mentor others, their support can help you stay the course in a distracted world.
Formation is not about escaping the world, it is about living faithfully within it. The early Christians did not retreat from their challenges, they faced them with a faith shaped by God’s presence. We can do the same. When distractions threaten to derail us, formation keeps us steady. It turns our eyes to Jesus, “the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:2).
This journey is not meant to be walked alone. God works through His Word, His Spirit, and His people to form us. In a world that pulls us apart, formation draws us together, to Him and to one another. It offers peace where there is chaos, purpose where there is drift.
If you feel overwhelmed by distraction today, take heart. Begin with a single step, a prayer, a verse, a moment of stillness. God is faithful to meet you there, shaping you into the disciple He calls you to be. For more guidance, visit Exponent Group or explore their formation resources at Exponent Group Formation. Let formation anchor you in a distracted world.
What Ancient Practices Teach Us About Modern Discipleship
What Ancient Practices Teach Us About Modern Discipleship
Discipleship is at theheart of the Christian faith, a call to follow Jesus, grow in His likeness, andshare His love with the world. Yet, in our fast-paced, technology-driven age,the idea of discipleship can feel distant or disconnected from daily life. Thegood news?
Scripture and historyoffer us a treasure trove of ancient practices that remain profoundly relevanttoday. These time-tested disciplines provide wisdom, structure, and depth tomodern discipleship, helping us live out our faith with intention and purpose.
The early Christiansdidn’t have apps, notifications, or instant access to information, yet theycultivated a vibrant faith that transformed lives and communities. By exploringtheir practices, rooted in Scripture and shaped by devotion, we can rediscovera richer, more grounded approach to following Christ in the 21st century.
The early churchthrived through simple yet powerful habits. Acts 2:42 paints a picture of their life:“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to thebreaking of bread and to prayer.” These foundational practices weren’t justrituals, they were a way of being, a rhythm that sustained their faith amidpersecution and uncertainty.
Let’s unpack whatthese ancient disciplines teach us about modern discipleship.
The early believersimmersed themselves in the apostles’ teaching, which became the foundation ofthe New Testament. They hungered for God’s Word, seeing it as life-givingtruth. Psalm 119:105 declares, “Your word is a lampfor my feet, a light on my path.” For them, Scripture wasn’t optional, it wasessential for knowing God and living faithfully.
Modern Lesson: Today, we’re bombarded withinformation, but not all of it draws us closer to Christ. Discipleship beginswith prioritizing God’s Word. Whether through daily Bible reading, group study,or meditation on a single verse, engaging with Scripture keeps us anchored. Setaside time to listen, not just to read, but to let God’s truth shape yourthoughts and actions.
The early churchdidn’t follow Jesus in isolation. They met in homes, shared meals, andsupported one another. Hebrews 10:24-25 urges, “Let us consider howwe may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together.”Fellowship wasn’t a social add-on, it was a lifeline that strengthened theirfaith.
Modern Lesson: In an age of individualism anddigital connections, authentic community is more vital than ever. Discipleshipthrives when we commit to real relationships, whether in a small group, church,or mentorship. Seek out believers who challenge and encourage you. Share yourstruggles and victories. Together, you’ll reflect Christ’s love more fully thanyou could alone.
Communion, or theLord’s Supper, was a sacred act for early Christians, recalling Jesus’sacrifice and uniting them as one body. Beyond the formal ritual, sharing mealswas a daily expression of gratitude and connection. In Luke22:19, Jesus said, “Do this in remembrance of me,” tying thispractice to His presence among them.
Modern Lesson: Breaking bread, whether throughCommunion or a simple meal, reminds us of our dependence on Christ and eachother. In modern discipleship, make space for shared meals or coffee withfellow believers. These moments deepen bonds and ground us in gratitude. If youlead others, invite them to the table; it’s a powerful way to model Jesus’hospitality.
Prayer was theheartbeat of the early church. They prayed together in times of joy, crisis,and everything in between. Philippians 4:6 instructs, “Do not be anxiousabout anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, withthanksgiving, present your requests to God.” For them, prayer wasn’t a lastresort, it was a first response.
Modern Lesson: In our busy lives, prayer canslip to the margins. Yet, discipleship without prayer is like a plant withoutwater, it withers. Ancient practices teach us to weave prayer into our days,morning petitions, evening thanksgivings, or quick breaths of dependence onGod. Start small: a five-minute pause to listen and speak to Him. Over time, itbecomes a rhythm that sustains your faith.
The early Christianslived simply, sharing their possessions with those in need. Acts4:32 says, “All the believers were one in heart and mind… theyshared everything they had.” This wasn’t forced, it flowed from heartstransformed by Christ’s love. Their generosity stood out in a greedy world.
Modern Lesson: Today’s culture pushesconsumerism, but discipleship calls us to simplicity. What do you cling to thatcould bless others? Giving, whether money, time, or skills, frees us fromself-focus and aligns us with Jesus’ mission. Try a one-off act of generositythis week and watch how it shifts your perspective.
Fasting was common inthe early church, often paired with prayer to seek God’s guidance orbreakthrough. Jesus taught in Matthew 6:16-18 to fast humbly, not for show. Itwas a way to deny the flesh and draw closer to the Spirit.
Modern Lesson: Fasting isn’t just about food,it’s about refocusing. In a distracted world, try fasting from social media,screens, or a comfort habit. Use that time to pray or reflect on God’s voice.Even a day-long fast can sharpen your spiritual awareness and renew yourcommitment to discipleship.
Though rooted in theOld Testament, the principle of Sabbath carried into the early church as a timeto rest and worship. Exodus 20:8 commands, “Remember the Sabbath day by keepingit holy.” It was a gift, a pause to trust God’s provision and presence.
Modern Lesson: We’re addicted to hustle, butrest is a radical act of faith. Modern discipleship needs Sabbath, a day oreven an hour to stop, worship, and recharge. It’s not laziness; it’s obediencethat reminds us God sustains us, not our striving. Experiment with a tech-freeevening or a quiet walk, see how it restores your soul.
The early Christiansdidn’t keep their faith private. They shared the Gospel despite risks, as Acts 1:8 commissions: “You will be mywitnesses… to the ends of the earth.” Their boldness came from a deepconviction in Christ’s power.
Modern Lesson: Discipleship isn’t passive, it’sactive. You don’t need a megaphone; start with a conversation. Share how God’sworking in your life with a friend or coworker. Ancient believers teach us thatwitnessing flows naturally from a heart changed by Jesus. Step out in small,brave ways, and trust God with the rest.
These practices aren’trelics, they’re tools for spiritual formation. They strip away the noiseof modern life and draw us back to the essentials: God’s Word, His people, andHis presence. The beauty of ancient discipleship is its simplicity, it doesn’trequire wealth, status, or technology, just a willing heart.
Imagine weaving theseinto your week: a morning in Scripture, a meal with friends, a prayer beforebed, a gift to someone in need. Over time, they become less about “doing” andmore about “being”, a disciple shaped by Christ’s love and wisdom.
Ancient practicesremind us that discipleship isn’t a solo journey or a checklist. It’s alifestyle rooted in dependence on God and connection with others. By embracingthese disciplines, we grow closer to Jesus and equip ourselves to guide othersin faith.
If you’re longing todeepen your walk with Christ, start today. Pick one practice, prayer,fellowship, or generosity, and lean into it. Ask God to show you how it fitsyour life. He’s faithful to meet you there, just as He did with the earlychurch.
For more resources ongrowing as a disciple, visit Exponent Group.If you’re ready to explore these ancient practices further, check out our guideat Exponent Group Discipleship Practices. Together, let’s liveout a faith that echoes the past and transforms the present.
How to Become a Better Spiritual Mentor for Others
How to Become a Better Spiritual Mentor for Others
Spiritual mentoring is a powerful way to nurture faith, provide guidance, andhelp others grow in their relationship with God. A mentor serves as a trustedcompanion on the spiritual journey, offering wisdom, encouragement, andaccountability. Just as Jesus walked alongside His disciples, a spiritualmentor invests time and care in supporting another person’s faith formation.
Whether you are new to mentoring orseeking to deepen your impact, embracing biblical principles will help youbecome a more effective guide for others.
Spiritual mentoring is more than givingadvice—it is about walking with someone in their faith journey. A mentor doesnot have all the answers but instead helps others discern God’s will in theirlives. Proverbs 27:17 states, "As iron sharpens iron, so one personsharpens another." A strong mentoring relationship is built on trust,mutual encouragement, and a shared desire to grow spiritually.
At its core, spiritual mentoring mirrorsthe way Jesus discipled others. He didn’t simply teach from a distance; Heengaged in real conversations, asked thought-provoking questions, anddemonstrated faith in action. His approach teaches us that true mentorshiphappens in relationship, not just instruction.
Before stepping into a mentoring role,seek God’s wisdom. James 1:5 reminds us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, youshould ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it willbe given to you." Prayer is foundational for both the mentor and thementee. Ask God to guide your conversations, open doors for meaningfuldiscussions, and help you lead with humility and grace.
A mentor’s role is not to replace God’sdirection but to help others grow in recognizing His voice. Praying togetherand encouraging spiritual disciplines strengthen the mentoring relationship anddeepen faith.
Effective spiritual mentors prioritizelistening. James 1:19 advises, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slowto speak, and slow to become angry." True mentorship requiresunderstanding a mentee’s struggles, questions, and doubts before offeringguidance.
Active listening shows care and helpsmentees feel valued. Create a safe space where they can share openly withoutfear of judgment. Sometimes, simply listening and praying together providesmore support than offering solutions.
A mentor’s life should reflect the valuesand principles they teach. 1 Corinthians 11:1 says, "Follow my example, asI follow the example of Christ." Spiritual mentorship is not just aboutwords but about modeling a Christ-centered life.
Be transparent about your own faithjourney, including struggles and victories. Authenticity builds trust and helpsmentees see that spiritual growth is a process, not a destination.
One of the most valuable gifts a mentorcan give is helping a mentee establish consistent spiritual disciplines.Encourage daily prayer, scripture reading, worship, and reflection. Psalm119:105 reminds us, "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on mypath."
Guide mentees in developing habits thatdeepen their relationship with God. Share personal insights on how spiritualpractices have shaped your faith and offer practical steps they can take.
Hebrews 10:24 encourages, "Let usconsider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."Spiritual mentors play a crucial role in motivating and challenging mentees tolive out their faith.
Set goals together and check in regularlyon progress. Hold them accountable in a loving way, offering encouragementrather than criticism. Remind them that growth takes time and that setbacks arepart of the journey.
Spiritual growth does not happenovernight. 2 Peter 3:18 urges, "Grow in the grace and knowledge of ourLord and Savior Jesus Christ." Each mentee is on a unique path, and it isimportant to be patient, allowing God to work in His timing.
Mentoring is a long-term investment. Befaithful in walking alongside others, trusting that God is guiding theirjourney even when progress seems slow. Your role is to plant seeds of faith,knowing that God is the one who makes them grow.
A great mentor remains teachable.Philippians 2:3 reminds us, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vainconceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves." A mentor isnot a superior but a fellow traveler in faith.
Be open to learning from your mentee andfrom the Holy Spirit. A mentoring relationship should be a partnership whereboth individuals grow in their understanding of God’s love and truth.
The ultimate goal of spiritual mentoringis multiplication. 2 Timothy 2:2 says, "And the things you have heard mesay in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will alsobe qualified to teach others." Encouraging mentees to become mentorsensures that faith continues to spread and grow.
When a mentee is ready, guide them inbecoming a mentor themselves. Offer support and encouragement as they step intoa leadership role, reminding them that mentorship is about walking with othersin faith, just as they have experienced.
A strong mentoring relationship can havea profound and lasting effect on someone’s faith journey. By offering guidance,encouragement, and accountability, spiritual mentors help others grow in theirwalk with God. The investment made in one person’s faith does not stop there—itcreates a ripple effect that continues for generations.
If you feel called to be a spiritualmentor, take the next step with prayer and an open heart. Seek out those whoneed guidance, invest in their spiritual growth, and trust that God will useyou in ways beyond what you can imagine.
If you feel called to mentor others intheir faith journey, explore resources and support at Exponent Group.
How to Handle Relationship Struggles with Biblical Principles
How to Handle Relationship Struggles with Biblical Principles
Relationships are a central part of life, offering love, support, and companionship. Yet, they can also be a source of deep conflict and pain. Whether in marriage, friendships, family, or workplace dynamics, struggles in relationships are inevitable. However, Scripture provides wisdom, guidance, and timeless principles that help us navigate conflicts with grace and love.
Conflict is not inherently bad. In fact, the Bible shows us that disagreements have always been a part of human relationships. The key is how we respond to conflict. James 1:19 advises, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." When approached with patience, humility, and love, conflict can be an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding.
Jesus taught in Matthew 22:39, "Love your neighbor as yourself." This command calls us to approach conflicts with a heart of love, seeking reconciliation rather than division. Biblical principles provide a foundation for resolving disputes while strengthening relationships.
Before addressing a conflict, turn to God in prayer. James 1:5 reminds us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Seeking divine guidance allows us to respond with wisdom rather than reacting in anger or frustration.
Prayer aligns our hearts with God’s will and helps us see the situation through His eyes. Instead of focusing solely on our emotions, we can ask God for discernment, patience, and the right words to bring healing.
Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to "speak the truth in love." Healthy relationships require honest and open communication, but how we deliver our words matters. Speaking harshly or with resentment can escalate tensions, while gentle and thoughtful words foster understanding.
Proverbs 15:1 states, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." When addressing conflict, choose words that reflect kindness, patience, and a desire for resolution rather than blame.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful principles in handling relationship struggles. Colossians 3:13 instructs, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Holding onto bitterness only deepens wounds and prolongs conflict. Forgiveness does not mean condoning wrongdoing but rather releasing resentment and allowing God to bring healing. Jesus demonstrated ultimate forgiveness on the cross, teaching us to extend grace even when it is difficult.
Ephesians 4:26 warns, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." Allowing conflict to linger gives room for bitterness and division to take root. While some situations require time to process emotions, prolonged resentment only widens the gap between people.
Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, approach conflicts with a willingness to seek resolution. Whether through a heartfelt discussion or an act of reconciliation, taking steps toward peace prevents misunderstandings from escalating.
It is easy to misinterpret words or actions, leading to unnecessary hurt and frustration. 1 Corinthians 13:7 states, "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." This verse reminds us to assume the best in others rather than immediately jumping to negative conclusions.
When disagreements arise, take a step back and ask, "Could I be misunderstanding their perspective?" Seeking clarification before assuming ill intent fosters trust and mutual respect in relationships.
While forgiveness and grace are essential, the Bible also supports establishing healthy boundaries. Proverbs 4:23 advises, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Boundaries protect emotional well-being and create space for respectful interactions. If a relationship becomes toxic or consistently harmful, seeking counsel from a pastor, mentor, or Christian counselor can provide wisdom on how to set appropriate limits while still demonstrating Christlike love.
Pride fuels conflict, while humility fosters reconciliation. Philippians 2:3-4 teaches, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
When faced with relational struggles, ask yourself, "Am I prioritizing being right over being loving?" A humble heart is willing to listen, apologize when necessary, and seek peace over proving a point.
Some conflicts require outside support. Matthew 18:15-16 provides a biblical model for addressing disputes: "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along."
Involving a trusted mentor, pastor, or counselor can bring objectivity and wisdom to a challenging situation. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather a commitment to restoration.
Not all conflicts will have immediate resolutions. Romans 12:18 encourages, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." While we should strive for reconciliation, some relationships may require distance or time apart.
In these moments, trust God’s timing. Continue to pray for the situation and for the individuals involved. God can soften hearts and bring healing in ways we may not expect.
Handling relationship struggles with biblical principles transforms conflicts into opportunities for growth. By seeking God’s wisdom, communicating with love, practicing forgiveness, and maintaining humility, we reflect Christ’s love in all relationships.
The Christian journey was never meant to be walked alone. When we embrace God’s principles for handling struggles, we cultivate stronger, healthier relationships that glorify Him.
If you are facing a difficult relationship today, take a moment to pray. Ask God for wisdom, patience, and a heart willing to seek peace. He is faithful to guide you through every challenge, bringing restoration where it is needed most.
If you are facing challenges in your relationships and need biblical guidance, explore resources and support at Exponent Group.
Will Marriage Counseling Help? Everything You Need to Know
Will Marriage Counseling Help?
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but even the strongest relationships face challenges. Whether you're dealing with communication breakdowns, trust issues, or conflicts over finances and parenting, couples therapy can provide valuable tools to navigate these struggles. But does marriage counseling actually help? And if so, how can it benefit your relationship?
In this guide, we'll answer these critical questions, explore the costs involved, discuss why marriage counseling may not always work, and provide tips for making the most out of therapy.
For further reading on the benefits of marriage counseling, check out this article from Johns Hopkins Medicine.
Marriage and relationship counseling is designed to strengthen relationships by helping couples:
One of the leading causes of marital distress is poor communication. Couples therapy helps partners express their needs, listen actively, and resolve misunderstandings before they escalate. Learning effective communication techniques can prevent future conflicts and foster a deeper connection. Therapists often introduce exercises such as active listening, non-verbal communication cues, and expressing emotions without blaming.
Communication issues can stem from childhood experiences, personality differences, or unresolved past arguments. A skilled therapist can help couples recognize unhealthy communication patterns and replace them with constructive dialogue. Couples may be encouraged to practice weekly check-ins, create a conflict resolution plan, and use "I" statements instead of blame-focused language.
For a deeper dive into how therapy improves communication, visit Talkspace’s guide on the benefits of couples therapy.
💡 Related Resource: Learn how Personal Leadership Coaching Enhances Ministry Impact, including insights on effective communication and conflict resolution.
For couples struggling with betrayal or emotional distance, marriage counseling provides a safe space to rebuild trust and reconnect. Therapists guide partners through exercises and discussions to help them process emotions, set boundaries, and reestablish emotional safety in the relationship. Trust-building exercises, including vulnerability challenges and emotional transparency, play a crucial role in this process.
Trust restoration takes time and consistency. Some couples benefit from setting clear expectations, keeping open communication about feelings of insecurity, and engaging in activities that promote emotional closeness. Counselors may also introduce methods such as forgiveness exercises and reflective listening to deepen emotional bonds.
💡 Need Help? Consider reaching out to Bobby VanBecelaere, who is pursuing a master's in Marriage and Family Therapy and specializes in relationship restoration.
Disagreements are natural, but when handled poorly, they can drive a wedge between partners. Christian counseling and traditional marriage therapy teach strategies for conflict resolution that prioritize respect and understanding. Many couples learn how to argue constructively, ensuring conflicts lead to growth rather than resentment. Techniques such as the "pause button," reflective listening, and conflict de-escalation strategies help couples navigate disputes more effectively.
Conflict often arises due to unmet needs, differing values, or external stressors such as work pressure or financial concerns. A therapist can help couples identify the root causes of recurring disagreements and develop practical ways to manage tension before it escalates.
💡 Looking for Faith-Based Conflict Resolution? Exponent Group Chaplain Services provide spiritual guidance for navigating difficult conversations.
Many couples find that therapy helps reignite the spark in their relationship by addressing emotional and physical intimacy concerns. A therapist can help partners understand each other's needs, remove barriers to intimacy, and develop habits that promote closeness and affection. This may include exploring love languages, understanding attachment styles, and implementing regular quality time rituals.
Long-term relationships often experience a decline in spontaneous romantic gestures. Therapy encourages couples to prioritize intimacy through scheduled date nights, affectionate touch, and daily affirmations. Emotional closeness often leads to greater physical connection, fostering a more fulfilling partnership.
💡 Find Support: Explore resources at the Exponent Marketplace to connect with experts in spiritual direction, coaching, and counseling.
Significant transitions—such as having children, job loss, moving, or dealing with grief—can create tension. A therapist provides guidance to help couples adapt and grow together through these changes, ensuring that stress does not drive them apart. Discussions around shared responsibilities, emotional support, and coping strategies ensure a smoother transition through life's inevitable changes.
Major life changes can lead to unexpected shifts in relationship dynamics. Therapy helps couples manage shifting roles, develop resilience, and maintain connection during transitional phases. Couples may explore stress-relief strategies, role adjustments, and future planning to ensure long-term stability.
The cost of marriage counseling varies depending on factors such as location, therapist credentials, session length, and therapy format. Below is a breakdown of what you can expect:
💰 Typical Costs:
For more insights into marriage counseling costs, visit BetterHelp’s article on couples therapy pricing.
While marriage counseling can be highly effective, it isn't a guaranteed solution for every couple. Here are some reasons why therapy may not yield the desired results:
❌ Lack of Commitment: Both partners must be willing to put in the effort to implement changes.
❌ Seeking Therapy Too Late: The earlier couples seek help, the more effective counseling is.
❌ Choosing the Wrong Therapist: It’s crucial to find a therapist who aligns with your values and needs.
❌ Unrealistic Expectations: Therapy requires patience and effort; it’s not an instant solution.
❌ Unresolved Individual Issues: Personal struggles may need individual therapy alongside couples counseling.
For a detailed study on therapy effectiveness, check out this research article on marriage therapy outcomes.
Marriage counseling can be life-changing for couples willing to put in the work. Whether you’re struggling with communication, trust, or major life transitions, couples therapy provides the tools needed to strengthen your relationship. However, success depends on commitment, finding the right therapist, and having realistic expectations.
If you're considering counseling, take the first step today by searching for "marriage counseling near me" and scheduling a consultation. Investing in your marriage is one of the best decisions you can make for a healthier, happier future together.
You can connect with a number of our counselors at our marketplace page.
See Nicole Byrum, Bobby VanBecelaere, Mignon Murrell.
How Personal Leadership Coaching Enhances Ministry Impact
How Personal Leadership Coaching Enhances Ministry Impact
Leadership in ministry is both a callingand a responsibility. Those who lead must not only guide others but alsocontinue growing spiritually and developing their own leadership skills. One ofthe most effective ways to strengthen leadership in ministry is throughpersonal leadership coaching. By fostering self-awareness, refiningdiscipleship practices, and deepening spiritual formation, coaching helps leadersnavigate challenges, build resilience, and maximize their ministry impact.
What is Personal Leadership Coaching?
Personal leadership coaching is an intentional process that helps individuals cultivate their leadership skills through mentorship, reflection, and strategic guidance. Unlike generic leadership training, coaching is highly personalized, focusing on the unique strengths, challenges, and spiritual journey of the leader. A coach serves as a guide, offering insights, encouragement, and accountability while helping leaders align their work with God’s calling.
In ministry, leadership coaching does not just focus on skills and strategy. It also emphasizes spiritual growth, character development, and relational wisdom—key elements that shape a leader’s ability to influence others and sustain long-term effectiveness.
Why Leadership Coaching is Essential in Ministry
Ministry leadership presents unique challenges. Leaders often juggle pastoral care, teaching, administration, and community-building, all while maintaining their own spiritual well-being. Coaching provides a structured way to grow and remain grounded in faith. Here’s how personal leadership coaching enhances ministry impact:
1. Strengthens Self-Awareness and Personal Growth
A key element of effective leadership is self-awareness. Leaders who understand their strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots are better equipped to serve others. Coaching provides the space for deep reflection, helping leaders recognize patterns that may be limiting their effectiveness and identifying areas for growth.
Through guided reflection, leaders gain clarity on their calling, mission, and the ways God is shaping them for greater impact. Coaching encourages humility, emotional intelligence, and a deeper reliance on God’s wisdom.
2. Enhances Discipleship Practices
Discipleship is at the heart of ministry, yet leaders often struggle to balance their own discipleship journey while guiding others. Personal leadership coaching helps leaders integrate discipleship practices into their daily lives, ensuring that their own faith remains vibrant and growing.
Coaching encourages leaders to develop consistent spiritual disciplines such as prayer, scripture meditation, and mentorship relationships. By strengthening their own discipleship practices, leaders are better able to cultivate spiritual growth in those they serve.
3. Deepens Spiritual Formation
Spiritual formation is a lifelong process of becoming more like Christ. Ministry leaders must prioritize their own spiritual growth to lead effectively. Personal coaching provides accountability and support in fostering deeper intimacy with God.
A leadership coach can help a leader identify spiritual practices that resonate with their personal walk, address spiritual fatigue, and encourage a rhythm of rest and renewal. This intentional investment in spiritual formation ensures that leaders minister from a place of overflow rather than exhaustion.
4. Cultivates Emotional and Relational Intelligence
Ministry leadership requires navigating complex relationships—with congregants, staff, volunteers, and the wider community. Coaching equips leaders with the emotional intelligence needed to handle conflict, build trust, and foster healthy team dynamics.
By improving communication skills, active listening, and conflict resolution, coaching helps leaders create environments where people feel valued and heard. These relational skills contribute to stronger, more effective ministry teams and deeper connections with those they serve.
5. Provides Accountability and Encouragement
Ministry can be isolating, and leaders often lack a trusted space to process challenges and receive encouragement. A personal leadership coach serves as a confidential sounding board, offering both accountability and support.
Having someone who regularly checks in, asks the hard questions, and encourages perseverance is invaluable. Leaders who are supported in this way are more resilient, less likely to experience burnout, and more effective in their ministry roles.
6. Equips Leaders for Sustainable Impact
The demands of ministry can lead to exhaustion if not managed well. Coaching helps leaders develop sustainable rhythms of work, rest, and renewal. It encourages intentionality in prioritizing tasks, delegating responsibilities, and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.
By fostering resilience and sustainable leadership habits, coaching ensures that leaders are not only effective in the short term but continue making an impact for years to come.
How to Engage in Personal Leadership Coaching
If you are a ministry leader seeking to grow, personal leadership coaching can be a transformative investment. Here are steps to engage in coaching effectively:
1. Seek God’s Guidance
Begin with prayer. Ask God to direct you toward the right coach and the right areas of growth. Invite Him into the process, trusting that He will lead you toward what is most beneficial for your leadership and ministry.
2. Find the Right Coach
Look for a coach who understands both leadership principles and spiritual formation. A good coach will be someone who listens well, asks insightful questions, and encourages both personal and professional growth.
3. Set Clear Goals
Coaching is most effective when there are specific areas of focus. Identify what you hope to gain from coaching—whether it’s better leadership skills, deeper spiritual formation, improved team dynamics, or personal renewal.
4. Commit to the Process
Growth takes time. Be willing to engage fully, receive constructive feedback, and apply what you learn. Coaching is not about quick fixes but about long-term transformation.
5. Stay Accountable
Regular coaching sessions provide built-in accountability. Keep track of progress, reflect on what you’re learning, and make necessary adjustments along the way.
The Ripple Effect of Leadership Coaching
Personal leadership coaching does not just benefit the individual—it has a profound impact on the entire ministry. When leaders grow, their ministries grow. When leaders are healthy, their teams thrive. And when leaders invest in their own spiritual formation, they inspire those they serve to do the same.
By strengthening discipleship practices, deepening spiritual formation, and fostering emotional intelligence, coaching helps ministry leaders fulfill their calling with greater confidence and effectiveness. If you are a leader desiring to make a greater impact, consider taking the next step in personal leadership coaching. The investment you make in yourself will multiply in the lives of those you lead.
The Power of Spiritual Mentoring: Building Faith Through Relationships
The Power of Spiritual Mentoring: Building Faith Through Relationships
Spiritual mentoring is one of the most profound ways to foster growth in faith. It is a relationship rooted in trust, encouragement, and discipleship practices—offering guidance in spiritual formation and deepening one’s walk with God. While personal devotion and study are essential, faith flourishes most in the context of relationships. A spiritual mentor acts as a guide, helping others recognize God’s presence, navigate challenges, and mature in their faith journey.
What is Spiritual Mentoring?
Spiritual mentoring is an intentional relationship where one person walks alongside another in their spiritual growth. It is not about offering quick answers or solving problems but about helping another discern where God is leading. A mentor provides wisdom, encouragement, and accountability while creating a space for deep reflection and transformation.
At its core, spiritual mentoring mirrors Jesus’ approach to discipleship. He didn’t just teach from a distance—He walked with His disciples, shared meals, and engaged in real-life conversations. He listened, challenged, and nurtured their faith, demonstrating that spiritual formation happens in relationship.
Why Spiritual Mentoring Matters
Faith was never meant to be a solo journey. The Christian life thrives in community, where believers encourage, sharpen, and uplift one another. Here are some of the key reasons why spiritual mentoring is vital:
1. Provides Guidance in Discipleship Practices
Discipleship is more than acquiring knowledge—it’s about living out faith in daily life. A mentor helps integrate spiritual disciplines like prayer, scripture reading, fasting, and service into everyday routines. They provide practical wisdom on how to remain steadfast in faith amidst life’s distractions and challenges.
2. Encourages Spiritual Formation
Spiritual formation is the process of becoming more like Christ. It involves developing a heart attuned to God’s voice and a life shaped by His love. Through mentoring, individuals receive personalized encouragement and insight into their spiritual journey. A mentor can help identify areas where growth is needed and provide support through prayer and accountability.
3. Strengthens Faith Through Relationship
Faith is strengthened when shared. Spiritual mentors offer reassurance during times of doubt, helping mentees see God’s faithfulness in their lives. When struggles arise, having a mentor to walk alongside provides comfort and clarity, reminding believers that they are not alone.
4. Fosters Accountability and Growth
Accountability is crucial in spiritual growth. Left alone, it’s easy to become stagnant or discouraged. A mentor helps keep faith in focus, encouraging consistent prayer, study, and worship. They challenge mentees to grow deeper in their relationship with Christ and live out their faith authentically.
5. Creates a Legacy of Faith
Spiritual mentoring is a ripple effect. When one person invests in another’s faith, it doesn’t stop there. Mentees eventually become mentors, passing on what they have learned to others. This model of discipleship, seen throughout scripture, ensures that faith continues to flourish from one generation to the next.
How to Engage in Spiritual Mentoring
For those feeling led to mentor others, or those seeking guidance in their own spiritual journey, here are key steps to building a meaningful mentoring relationship:
1. Pray for Guidance
Whether you are seeking a mentor or stepping into the role of one, prayer is the foundation. Ask God to lead you to the right person and to shape the relationship according to His will.
2. Be Present and Listen Well
A good mentor doesn’t have all the answers but knows how to listen. Creating space for open, honest conversations allows mentees to process their faith journey and hear God’s voice more clearly.
3. Share Your Faith Journey
Authenticity is key. A mentor should share their own experiences—the struggles, doubts, and victories. Transparency builds trust and allows mentees to see that growth is a process.
4. Encourage Spiritual Disciplines
Helping mentees develop consistent discipleship practices like prayer, scripture study, and worship is vital. Encourage them to cultivate a daily rhythm of seeking God.
5. Offer Accountability and Support
Check in regularly. Encourage mentees to set spiritual goals and walk with them as they pursue them. Pray for them, challenge them, and remind them of God’s promises.
6. Be Patient and Trust the Process
Spiritual growth takes time. There will be seasons of struggle and times of great revelation. A mentor’s role is to walk faithfully alongside, trusting that God is at work in the journey.
The Lifelong Impact of Spiritual Mentoring
A well-guided mentoring relationship can transform lives. It creates a safe space for spiritual exploration, provides encouragement during difficult seasons, and strengthens the foundation of faith. Those who have been mentored often go on to mentor others, continuing the cycle of discipleship and spiritual formation.
The church thrives when believers invest in one another. Whether you feel called to mentor or are seeking one yourself, know that God works powerfully through these relationships. Spiritual mentoring is not about perfection—it’s about journeying together, growing in faith, and becoming more like Christ.
Are you ready to invest in a mentoring relationship? Take the next step, pray for guidance, and seek out the relationships that will help you grow deeper in faith.
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12 Questions to Ask a Potential Spiritual Director
12 Questions to Ask a Potential Spiritual Director
When you start spiritual direction, you’re entering into a sacred, vulnerable, intimate relationship designed to lead you closer to God.
You need someone who will journey with you in your faith struggles, calling, discernment, spiritual disciplines, and reflection about God at work in your day-to-day life. Your personality, theology, and communication styles must all be compatible.
So, what should you ask when you first meet? How do you even start the conversation? In this second of our four-part “Knowing if You Need Spiritual Direction” series, we offer 12 practical and spiritual questions to ask a potential spiritual director before embarking on a long-term relationship. By asking these questions, you’ll be able to identify someone who shares your theological beliefs, respects your story, and is equipped to walk alongside you in faith.
Whether you are looking to begin spiritual direction with your church, a retreat center, or a network like the Exponent Marketplace, these questions can help you discern a relationship that will help you along your spiritual formation journey.
Begin with gathering general knowledge of their training and experience. Do they have formal spiritual direction training? How long have they been in practice? Do they belong to any spiritual direction organizations or groups of practice?
This question will help you determine if they take their position seriously and whether or not they have a sense of the etiquette and the discipline required of the ministry.
Because spiritual direction includes prayer, discernment, and nurturing of personal faith, theological congruence is essential. You don’t need to share every detail of doctrine, but you need to know that your beliefs and traditions are understood and respected.
Ask how their theology impacts the way they approach individuals from different backgrounds. For example, suppose you are a member of an evangelical or mainline Protestant church. In that case, you might want to know whether the director holds similar values around the Bible or the Holy Spirit.
This query exposes their direction philosophy. Are they the companion, the guide, the listener, the mirror? Are they directive, asking reflective questions, or relatively passive, allowing you to direct the conversation yourself?
There’s not one correct answer — but their answer, combined with what you know about their track record, can help gauge whether their style meets your needs.
Request a tangible image of what happens in a session. Will it start with a period of silence or prayer? Do they rely on Scripture, art, breathwork, or Ignatian practices? What is the usual session duration? What do they expect of you as the directee? Knowing the structure, you can ease any pre-race jitters and mentally and spiritually prepare for your first session.
Most Protestants' religious practices focus on Scripture and prayer. Some spiritual directors may pray with you, while others might offer prayer practices or Scripture meditations to take home.
You’ll want to know if Scripture is incorporated naturally into the discussion or feels tacked on, and, for that matter, how prayer works in their time together.
Suppose you are from a particular stream (Baptist, Pentecostal, Reformed, Anglican) or have specific life experiences (vocational ministry, mission, deconstruction). In that case, you might ask your director if they have worked with others who have traveled a similar path.
Similar experience isn’t a requirement, but understanding the context you’re entering will help you foster trust more quickly.
This is one of the best questions to ask your director. We’ve all had times of spiritual dryness, doubt, or silence. The director's maneuver of these moments betrays their theology of suffering, mystery, and grace.
Seek someone who won’t be in a hurry to fix you or explain things away but who can gently wait with you and listen.
You should expect the same professionalism and confidentiality from a director as you would in counseling or therapy. Ask about:
This exchange provides both clarity and safety around your relationship moving forward.
A good spiritual director is always growing. It’s best if they are either being supervised or in direction themselves. This demonstrates humility and integrity in their work.
It’s also evidence that they know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of direction.
Some people enter spiritual direction, imagining it’s therapy or pastoral counseling. An experienced director might offer some guidance, because spiritually direction requires acknowledging what is happening in your life. Unlike traditional therapy or counseling, however, a spiritual director is focused more on helping you discern where God is in that process.
Inquire how they address problems like grief, anxiety, spiritual trauma, or vocational discernment. (If they think something is outside their purview, do they refer out?)
Directors may be available monthly or biweekly. Some meet in person, others virtually via video or phone, and some can even collaborate with you in a retreat format.
Find out how flexible they are about rescheduling, whether they permit the occasional check-in between sessions, and how far in advance they book.
These logistical issues can make or break an otherwise whole relationship.
Most directors offer a free or discounted initial conversation to determine your fit. Use some of the questions above face-to-face, understand how they communicate, and see if it feels natural.
Remember: You don’t have to click with the first person you shake hands with. If something is not right, seek another director who you can connect with and trust.
After the initial meeting, reflect prayerfully on how it went. Ask:
How they made you feel in the session is as crucial as their qualifications.
Spiritual direction is a sacred dialogue among you, your director, and the Holy Spirit. The right person might take a little time to find, so don’t be deterred. The right fit is everything.
In the third part of this series, we’ll examine how spiritual direction differs from discipleship, coaching, and counseling, and how you can determine what kind of support you need at this time in your life.
If you’re ready to take the first step with spiritual direction, visit the Exponent Marketplace to find trained spiritual directors.
Understanding Spiritual Direction and How to Get Started
Understanding Spiritual Direction and How to Get Started
It's a shared sentiment among many Christians today that they feel spiritually adrift.
Despite participating in Bible studies, church activities, and ministry, they often sense a void in their relationship with God. A recent survey revealed that over 40% of practicing Christians feel they lack spiritual guidance and support. This shared struggle leads to spiritual inertia, separation,and emotional exhaustion. If you're feeling this way, know that you're not alone. Many others are on this journey with you.
In the first of our three-part series, we’ll explore spiritual direction, its significance in a Protestant context, and how to find the right guide.
Spiritual direction is a personal relationship in which one person helps guide another toward a better relationship with God. Unlike pastoral counseling or Bible teaching, which generally focus on a specific life problem or understanding of the scriptures, spiritual direction focuses on helping you become aware of God and God’s promptings in your life.
A spiritual director is not a therapist or a problem solver. Instead, they are a trained listener who provides a safe space for you to unpack your experiences with God, your challenges, your celebrations, and your questions. They guide you in prayerful conversation, helping you to discern where God may be leading and what you should do next. Their role is not to provide answers, but to help you ask the right questions that reveal where in your life and faith God is inviting you to grow, surrender, heal, and move. Spiritual direction thus becomes a sacred space of hearing and listening. They are there to help you listen for God's voice, not to replace it with their own. They won't make decisions for you, but they will guide you in your discernment process. Spiritual direction empowers you to make choices that align with your faith and values.
A spiritual director won’t try to give you the answer, but instead will listen and ask questions that reveal where in your life and faith God is inviting you to grow, surrender, heal, and move. Spiritual direction thus becomes a holy place of hearing and listening.
Although spiritual direction is very well-rooted in Catholic and Orthodox traditions, many are Protestants are increasingly adopting the practice. Today, many leaders and theologians from Protestant denominations see its value for long-term discipleship and spiritual vibrancy.
Group experiences and sermons are necessary, but people of faith also need someone who will sit alongside them individually, to listen, pray, and walk with them through spiritual deserts, times of change, and seasons of growth.
There are several benefits to spiritual direction:
These are all parallel to what many other discipleship programs aim for. However, spiritual direction has a personalized, relational component that is easy to overlook in group settings.
Some Protestants are hesitant to seek spiritual direction for various reasons:
1. The fear of being misled by a bad spiritual director
Will a spiritual director tell you what to do? No, that's not their role. A spiritual director is there to help you listen for God’s voice, not to replace it with their own. They won't make decisions for you, but they will guide you in your discernment process. Spiritual direction empowers you to make choices that align with your faith and values, putting you in the driver's seat of your spiritual journey. It's about you and your relationship with God; a spiritual director is there to support and guide you, not dictate your path.
2. A false sense of autonomy and independence
Is spiritual direction too mystical? Although it focuses on listening and meditation, it is deeply grounded in Scripture and prayer. Good spiritual direction doesn’t drive you away from Christ but toward Him. It's a practical and personal approach to deepening your relationship with God, not a mysterious or esoteric practice. You can rest assured that spiritual direction is a grounded and accessible resource for your spiritual journey.
3.The belief that this is just a “catholic practice.”
Spiritual direction is not reserved for clergy or only the most devout saints. It is for anyone who desires a closer relationship with God. It is a resource available to all Christians , regardless of their faith level or role in the church. It is a welcoming space for all who seek to live faithfully, ensuring that no one is excluded from the opportunity to deepen their spiritual journey.
Understanding these differences will help alleviate fears and help you be comfortable taking the first step toward engaging in spiritual direction.
You don’t have to be in crisis to pursue spiritual direction. In reality, many people start when life is more or less okay, but they have a desire to know God more deeply. If you’re on the fence, here are some signs you might be able to benefit from spiritual direction:
If any of this rings true, spiritual direction might be the right next step for you.
Once you've realized the importance of spiritual direction, you’re ready to begin the journey towards finding a spiritual director.
Clarify your goals.
Ask yourself:
Communicating your hopes to a potential director, will help you focus and center your time together.
Reflect on your preferences.
Think about whether you have preferences for:
Knowing your preferences and communicating them to a potential director can help you narrow and focus your search as you begin a direction relationship.
Pray for discernment.
Pray for God to direct you to someone who is a trustworthy, wise, and Spirit-led advisor. Spiritual direction is a ministry of deep, abiding relationship, so chemistry and fit matter. A director who is perfect for someone else might not be ideal for you, and that’s all right. Just be honest with yourself and trust the nudge of the Holy Spirit.
Here are a few places to start looking for a spiritual director:
Some trained directors can be found at seminaries, prayer and spiritual formation institutes, and even among Christian coaching networks. If you are part of a discipleship-based community, see if they offer individual spiritual direction in addition to group offerings.
Be prepared to contact more than one person. Some directors provide an initial exploratory consultation at no charge, which allows you to learn more about their style and determine whether you’re comfortable with them.
Your first session with a prospective spiritual director is generally light and focused on gathering information about each other. It’s an opportunity to ask about their background, philosophy, and values. You’ll also be able to express your hopes and expectations for your time together.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if it feels awkward initially—this relationship develops over time. A good director will make you feel comfortable, but they also understand if you need space or time to commit to regular meetings.
Here are some questions you may want to ask:
We’ll discuss these questions more in-depth in the second part of this series.
If you’re ready to take the next step and start looking for a director, you can browse the Exponent Group Marketplace to find a trusted spiritual director.
The Importance of Formation in a Distracted World
The Importance of Formation in a Distracted World
Distractions are everywhere. Smartphones buzz with notifications, screens demand our attention, and endless to-do lists pull us in every direction. Amid this chaos, the call to live as disciples of Jesus can feel drowned out. Yet, Scripture offers a timeless solution: spiritual formation. This ancient practice of intentionally shaping our hearts, minds, and lives around Christ is not just relevant, it is essential for navigating a distracted world with purpose and peace.
The early Christians understood formation as a way of life. They leaned on prayer, community, and God’s Word to grow in faith, even under pressure. Today, we can draw from their example to counter the noise and cultivate a deeper connection with God. Formation is not about adding more tasks to our schedules. It is about aligning our whole being with His will, finding clarity amid the clutter.
Spiritual formation is the process of being shaped into the image of Christ. Romans 12:2 instructs, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This transformation does not happen by accident. It requires intentional practices that draw us closer to God and refine our character. For the early church, this meant prayer, fasting, and fellowship. For us, it means carving out space in a distracted world to hear His voice.
Formation is not a quick fix or a one-time event. It is a lifelong journey of growth, rooted in the belief that God is at work within us. Philippians 1:6 promises, “He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion.” In an age of instant gratification, this slow, steady process offers a countercultural path to true fulfillment.
Distraction is more than an annoyance, it is a spiritual challenge. Studies show people check their phones dozens of times a day, often without purpose. Social media feeds us comparison, news stirs anxiety, and entertainment numbs our souls.
In this environment, our attention fragments, and our faith can weaken. Formation anchors us. It turns our focus back to God, helping us resist the pull of a world that competes for our devotion.
Jesus warned in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters.” When distractions dominate, they become our masters, crowding out time for prayer, reflection, or service. Formation reclaims that space. It builds habits that prioritize God over the fleeting demands of the moment, fostering resilience and joy in a culture of restlessness.
The early Christians faced their own pressures, persecution, poverty, and uncertainty. Yet, they thrived through practices that kept them rooted in Christ. Acts 2:42 describes their devotion to teaching, fellowship, breaking bread, and prayer. These were not mere traditions, they were lifelines that formed their identity as followers of Jesus.
Prayer kept them connected to God’s presence. Fellowship reminded them they were not alone. Sharing meals grounded them in gratitude. Teaching from the apostles gave them truth to stand on. These ancient rhythms offer us a blueprint for formation today. They show that a distracted world does not have to dictate our spiritual lives; we can choose a better way.
Consider the pace of modern life. We rush from task to task, rarely pausing to reflect. Formation invites us to slow down. It calls us to sit with Scripture, not just skim it. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” In stillness, we hear His voice over the noise. This practice does not eliminate distractions, but it trains us to see them for what they are, temporary interruptions to an eternal purpose.
Fasting, another ancient discipline, sharpens this focus. By giving up food, screens, or comforts for a time, we break the grip of instant gratification. Jesus taught in Matthew 6:16-18 that fasting is a private act of dependence on God. In a world obsessed with more, fasting teaches us less can be enough when God fills the space.
The early church knew formation was not solitary. They grew together, sharing burdens and joys. Hebrews 10:24-25 urges believers to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together.” In a distracted world, isolation is a risk. Social media mimics connection but often leaves us lonely. Formation through community offers the real thing, accountability, encouragement, and shared purpose.
Gathering with others, whether in a small group or a church, keeps us grounded. It reminds us that discipleship is not just about personal growth, it is about loving others as Christ loves us. When distractions pull us inward, community pulls us outward, reflecting God’s heart for relationship.
A distracted world rewards shallow thinking, quick reactions over deep reflection. Formation shapes us differently. It builds virtues like patience, humility, and love. Colossians 3:12-13 calls us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” These traits do not come naturally in a culture of hurry, they are formed through practice and reliance on the Holy Spirit.
Take humility, for example. Philippians 2:3 says, “In humility value others above yourselves.” Formation teaches us to listen before speaking, to serve without seeking praise. Over time, these choices become who we are, not just what we do. In a world that celebrates self-promotion, this quiet strength stands out.
Formation begins with small, intentional steps. Start with prayer. Set aside five minutes each morning to talk to God and listen. Pair this with Scripture. Read a chapter or even a verse, letting it sink in. Join a group of believers who share your desire to grow. Share a meal or a conversation weekly.
Try fasting once a month, not just from food but from distractions like social media. Use that time to reflect on God’s goodness. Rest, too, is formation. Pick a day to unplug and worship, trusting God with what you leave undone. These practices do not need to overwhelm, they simply need to begin.
If you are ready to dive deeper, Exponent Group offers tools to guide your journey. Their Formation page emphasizes growing closer to Jesus through spiritual practices and community. They provide resources like guided prayer, discipleship coaching, and practical steps for transformation. Whether you are new to formation or seeking to mentor others, their support can help you stay the course in a distracted world.
Formation is not about escaping the world, it is about living faithfully within it. The early Christians did not retreat from their challenges, they faced them with a faith shaped by God’s presence. We can do the same. When distractions threaten to derail us, formation keeps us steady. It turns our eyes to Jesus, “the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:2).
This journey is not meant to be walked alone. God works through His Word, His Spirit, and His people to form us. In a world that pulls us apart, formation draws us together, to Him and to one another. It offers peace where there is chaos, purpose where there is drift.
If you feel overwhelmed by distraction today, take heart. Begin with a single step, a prayer, a verse, a moment of stillness. God is faithful to meet you there, shaping you into the disciple He calls you to be. For more guidance, visit Exponent Group or explore their formation resources at Exponent Group Formation. Let formation anchor you in a distracted world.
